Ask Dr. Monica – “How do I handle the summer time parent anxiety and guilt?”

Welcome to Ask Dr. Monica, a space where real questions from military spouses get honest answers from a licensed therapist who understands the realities of military life.

Dear Dr. Monica,

I feel a little guilty even admitting this, but now that school is out and my kids are home all the time, I already feel emotionally tired just thinking about the summer ahead. I love my children deeply, but the constant noise, needs, schedules, and lack of quiet can feel overwhelming before it even starts.

How can parents acknowledge those feelings honestly without feeling like a bad mom? And what are some healthy ways to protect our mental energy and create balance during seasons when everyone is suddenly together all the time?

Respectfully,

A Tired and Anxious Mom

Dear Tired and Anxious,

The guilt i​s​ real — and I want to address it first: dreading the noise is not the same as not loving your children.​ Nobody warn​s​ us that “I love you to the moon and back” would be seriously tested by day four of summer break. And yet — here we are.

What you’re describing has a name. It’s anticipatory overwhelm — the emotional and sensory fatigue that hits before a demanding season even begins. Your nervous system is doing a very logical thing: it’s looking ahead at weeks of unstructured togetherness, constant need, and zero quiet, and it’s bracing. That’s not a parenting failure. That’s self-awareness.

Guilt that shows up alongside love is usually a sign your values are intact — not that something is wrong with you.

Ali Wong once said she loves her daughters, but she also loves leaving them. That’s not a hot take. That’s emotional honesty — and it’s exactly what you’re doing right now. The expectation that good mothers should be endlessly energized by their children isn’t a clinical finding. It’s a cultural myth. Connection requires capacity, and capacity requires replenishment. Summer has a way of draining the whole cup before July even arrives.

So what do you do with that?

Name it before it owns you. Say it out loud, even just to yourself: I’m dreading this, and that’s okay. Feelings we acknowledge have less power than feelings we bury under guilt.

Build structure — for you, not just for them. Kids do better with predictable rhythms, and so do overwhelmed parents. A loose summer schedule isn’t about control; it’s about creating moments in the day you can count on — including ones that belong to you.

Protect something small and non-negotiable. A quiet cup of coffee before the house wakes up. A 20-minute walk. Ten minutes with the door closed after lunch. Small pockets of restoration matter more than one big vacation you’re too depleted to enjoy.

Lower the bar on purpose. Everyone is fed. No one is in the ER. You answered a question about Minecraft for the fourteenth time without screaming. That’s a win — log it and move on. Some days survival is the schedule. Cereal for dinner, a movie that runs long, and everyone alive at bedtime isn’t a bad mom day. That’s a Tuesday.

And if the anxiety feels bigger than the season — if it’s been building for a while, or you find yourself shutting down rather than slowing down — please talk to someone. A good therapist can help you sort out what’s situational exhaustion and what might need a little more support.

You are not a bad mom for having limits. You’re a human one. And human moms — the honest, self-aware, trying-their-best ones — are exactly what children actually need.

Hang in there. Summer is ​long, but so​ are you.

With you in it,
Dr. Monica

Dr. Monica Reintjes is a Licensed Professional Counselor, PhD in Educational Psychology with an emphasis in Development and Learning, and military spouse. She is the Clinical Director of Reintjes Counseling & Consulting, specializing in trauma and military family mental health.

When not working, she enjoys traveling, exploring coffee shops, making cheese boards, cooking, and spending time with family and friends.

Disclaimer:

The content provided in Ask Dr. Monica is for general informational purposes and reflects the professional opinion of the author. It should not be considered a substitute for medical, psychological, or mental health care from a licensed provider.

The Marine Corps Association and Behind the Camouflage do not provide clinical services through this column. If you need professional support, please contact a licensed provider or Military OneSource at 800-342-9647.