Meet Mrs. Ashley Gibson, a Marine Corps spouse at MacDill Air Force Base whose consistent service and welcoming leadership have strengthened the Marine Corps Forces Central Command community in meaningful ways. As the spouse of a Master Gunnery Sergeant assigned to MARCENT, Ashley is known for going above and beyond to support Marines, spouses, and families, helping create the kind of connection that makes a command feel like home.
Ashley has played a key role in building community through events that bring people together with purpose and warmth. She helped plan the 2025 Marine Corps Ball, creating an experience that reinforced pride, tradition, and belonging across the command. Throughout the year, she also organizes spouse socials and coordinates base wide Bunco events that intentionally welcome spouses from across the installation into a supportive and inclusive space.
Her impact extends well beyond the calendar of events. Ashley routinely volunteers to support holiday celebrations, coffee meetups, and socials, often providing food, treats, and encouragement to Marines working long hours. She coordinates meal trains for families in need, and she is the person many spouses turn to when they need support, guidance, or someone willing to advocate on their behalf.
Ashley also serves as a trusted link between families and leadership at MacDill, ensuring spouses feel heard, included, and valued. In a location where it can be difficult to find community and feel the spirit of the Corps, Ashley has helped change the atmosphere in a lasting way during her family’s time there. Much of what she does happens quietly behind the scenes, but her steady service and genuine care are felt across the command. Because of Ashley, more spouses feel connected, supported, and proud to belong.
Do you have a Spouse you want to submit for a Spouse Spotlight?
Email Heather at [email protected] with the name and contact information of your spouse spotlight!
Hey, Scuttlebutt listeners. Thank you for joining us and for your continued support. This week, we bring you another installment of Semper Cinema with our review of the 1970 made-for-TV movie, Tribes. Full disclosure, we chose this movie because we wanted to break the Semper Cinema paradigm and veer a bit off our normal course to go with a movie we knew was less than stellar. And Tribes does not disappoint. Aired as the ABC Movie of the Week, it is basically a boot camp movie, starring Jan Michael Vincent of Airwolf fame and Darren McGavin, probably most famously known for playing the dad in A Christmas Story. And although we have our criticisms, it did well, earning three Emmy Awards and ranking as the #8 boot camp movie by Screen Junkies. Tribes clearly influenced some of the more significant Marine Corps movies of the 80s and 90s, but for us, it mostly influenced us to not recommend portraying Marine Corps boot camp in a made-for-TV format. But as always, we have fun with it.
My journey into community service began long before I realized it. As a child growing up in Jamaica, my parents taught me the power of gratitude, kindness, and giving back. Their words were more than just advice; they were a way of life. I watched as they quietly but powerfully without seeking recognition gave back in numerous ways, whether through providing clothing, food, education or shelter to others, hence I had a front row seat into the qualities of empathy and patience. Because of this, I learned that making a difference in someone else’s life, being a servant leader, was one of the most meaningful ways to live.
My passion for service expanded in every direction even at this young age, whether it was feeding the homeless, volunteering at children’s homes, tutoring or with different clubs and organizations. It started by accompanying my parents as they provided acts of service, being a “brownie” in the girl scouts and as a teenager- a member in the Leo Club. I was drawn to the Leo Club because of the advocacy I saw through my mother with the Lions Club and yearned to do the same.
When I entered the healthcare field, this passion of mine extended to volunteering in the after-school healthcare clinic, doing screenings at Community Health Fairs and traveling abroad for healthcare mission trips and eventually working within the underserved community where my passion for serving others could intersect with my love for the healthcare field.
I was driven by the undeniable truth that the world is filled with countless needs, each seemingly unique and each seemingly urgent. No two experiences were the same, and with each new endeavor, I found myself learning, evolving, and discovering faster and more impactful ways to help.
The Marine Corps- a new world
Then came the unexpected. A simple, chance meeting with my husband at a stoplight changed everything (a beautiful story for another day). It was this moment that eventually opened the door to an entirely new world: the Marine Corps.
Raised in my early years in a different culture, I understood the concept of a “soldier”, but in meeting my husband I was quickly corrected and introduced to the distinction of the word that mattered in this community: ‘Marine”.
Through marriage, I was thrusted into a world I knew nothing about, that slightly shifted my trajectory, reshaped my path, redefined what it meant to serve and gave me a new lens through which to see the world. Community service took on new meaning. I began to understand that sometimes, the most life-altering journeys start with the smallest, most unexpected steps.
At the beginning of this journey, I was fortunate to experience the kindness and guidance of a few remarkable military spouses who welcomed me into the community. At the time, I was deeply immersed in my professional work in the Healthcare field and the connected advocacy, but one extraordinary spouse made sure I would not remain on the sidelines. After missing the Welcome Aboard brief, she asked my husband to relay a message to me: “Please tell your wife that if she does not show up to LINKS, I will be coming to her house to meet her.” The message was simple, direct, and unexpectedly powerful. It made me laugh, but more importantly, it made me show up.
I met another spouse at that LINKS meeting who spoke to me about the importance of fusing the community work I was already doing with what needed to be done for Marine Corps families- a blueprint that would allow my passion for service to intersect with the military-connected community. It was then that I received insight into the fact that behind the Marine stood a network of families quietly navigating sacrifice, resilience, and uncertainty. That moment marked the beginning of my involvement in a variety of service roles supporting military families.
Throughout the years, I have served in numerous volunteer capacities, including LINKS Mentor, Unit Volunteer, Family Readiness Assistant, and Family Readiness Command Team Advisor for both local and deployed units and Board member of a Parent Teacher Association at a DODEA school. I have also been involved in Military Spouse leadership seminars, contributing as a volunteer, small-group facilitator, curriculum development team member, speaker, and inaugural chairperson, as well as participating in military spouse clubs and other service roles. Each position offered unique opportunities to learn, grow, and contribute. More importantly, they provided a platform to share knowledge, resources, and support with the many military-connected families navigating this extraordinary way of life.
Currently, my volunteer time is limited and is split between being the chairperson for a month of the military and healthcare committees as well as being a military-connected parent volunteer liaison at a local elementary school. In addition, healthcare advocacy in the field of Dentistry in helping research and give input into finding solutions for active-duty dependents, board member of a PTO, as well as the ‘team-mom’ to a local middle school track team along with several other smaller roles when time permits, at other community organizations and events.
My volunteering activities, over the past 30 years have always been for causes I believed in. As I got deeper, the roles evolved into me doing a lot of problem solving. The first time I can recall, on a larger scale was as a Chief Resident- creating a “how to manual guide” for the incoming Residents because it was something that I saw was needed. My reason at the time was simple- for the next person to have a clear and accurate guide to help them navigate. This was a huge help to others and that feeling of finding solutions made me yearn to do more. In terms of military-connected volunteering, my role as chairperson for the month of the military child committee was ‘born out’ of the need to solve the problem for military-connected students at a local elementary school off base, to feel that same sense of familiarity and welcome that they would if this elementary school was located on base. Also, my role as the inaugural chairperson in recent years for a military spouse leadership seminar was out of a need to bring personal and professional development to military-connected spouses, which I thought was important at that time.
What began as an introduction to a new community evolved into a lasting commitment to service. Community work within the military-connected world is not simply about volunteering; it is about strengthening the support systems that sustain families through constant change and sacrifice.
For the community service over the years, yes there were similarities but many differences, and what worked for me was to understand the volunteer activity or event, my role and to communicate with the volunteers effectively who I would be interacting with, approaching it with faith, an open mind and heart and never forgetting my ‘why’. My intention is usually ‘quiet leadership’ but there were times when I was pulled to the forefront because based on experience for the particular project, the ‘subject matter expert’ in the room was me. Community service has helped with developing leadership skills in several areas and for that I am truly grateful.
Every role I have had the privilege to serve in, whether mentoring spouses, supporting family readiness efforts, advocating for healthcare solutions, or working with military-connected students has reinforced the same truth: strong communities do not happen by chance, they are built through intentional acts of service, collaboration, and care. Today, my work continues to be guided by a deep belief that when we invest in families, we strengthen the entire community. It has both been an honor and a responsibility to contribute to that effort, ensuring that those who serve and the families who stand beside them are supported, connected, and empowered to thrive.
For other spouses trying to navigate leading or being in a volunteer role, here are a few thoughts and a few books to keep in mind:
1. Be Kind to others but also remember to be kind to yourself.
As you pour into others, always remember to do the same for yourself. If you burn out while trying to take care of others, you cannot lead anyone. Remember to take time for you! Selfcare is NEVER selfish. You are worthy!
Read: Who moved my cheese by Spencer Johnson, MD
2. Know Your Why
For each role that you get involved with “ask what is my why?”. Knowing why you got involved in the first place helps with clarity and a goal for leading.
Read: Start with why by Simon Sinek
3. Growth Requires Humility. Ask for help
We all do not have all the answers. Adapt a mindset to be trainable, to seek mentorship leaving the mind open to “growth” instead of being fixed. Open your mind and heart to knowing that you can learn from anyone. You cannot always do it alone. Use the strength of the people around you. Take it one step at a time. I have never been afraid to say I think you are better at this
Read: Mindset by Carol Dweck
4. The Power of Stillness
As a child, my father would repeat a quote to me, “you have two ears and one mouth. In this life make sure you listen twice as much as you speak” . This stayed with me for a long time.
There is power in listening, in stillness, and in being quiet. Quiet leadership can also be transformational.
Read: Quiet: The power of Introverts in a world that can’t stop talking by Susan Cain
5. Relationships Are Built
Community does not magically appear. It starts with “hi.”
That one word can change someone’s entire day and duty station experience. Meet people were they are, as they all will not have the same personalities.
One of the most heartbreaking and successful stories for me that started with the word ‘hi’ was saying ‘hi’ to a fellow spouse in the adjacent vehicle at afterschool car pick up parking lot and giving them a huge smile, finding out later that the ‘hi’ and the ‘smile’ was what changed their decision that day to keep living. That day, because of that ‘hi’ they had found warmth, and hope and someone to tell their story to.
Read: The Next conversation by Jefferson Fisher
6. Boundaries Are Strength
“No” is a complete sentence.
You are allowed to protect your time. Your peace. Your priorities. Be willing to walk away.
Leadership without boundaries can possibly lead to resentment.
Read: Dare to lead by Brene Brown
7. Be Value-Added and Inspire others. Be Inclusive- Talent can be found everywhere
Read: The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon
How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
8. Do the best you can but remember that “done’ may be good enough
Read: Eat that frog by Brian Tracy
Don’t sweat the small stuff… and it’s all small stuff by Richard Carlson
9. If You Want Change: Start
Problems get solved and change happens when someone starts.
To start, you don’t need a title, just the willingness to begin.
Read: Atomic Habits by James Clear
Who Killed change by Ken Blanchard, John Britt, Judd Hoekstra and Pat Zigarmi
Master of Change: The case for rugged flexibility by Brad Stulberg
Breaking Cover by Michele Rigby Assad
10. To be a Changemaker you will need to have the Courage to be disliked
To truly drive meaningful change, you must embrace the Courage to be Disliked, for transformation may rarely comes without resistance. In a world where opinions are as diverse. Some people might, but not everyone will understand your vision, support your methods, or even agree with your goals. If conflict arises- communicate effectively and solve it quickly. Remember that real progress requires a steadfast commitment to your purpose, even when it means facing criticism, alienation, or rejection. It is in those moments of discomfort that true leadership and resilience are forged.
Read: The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Dr. Soyini “Soy” Garvey is a visionary leader whose creativity and determination have transformed the military-connected community in Albany, Georgia. A tireless volunteer and advocate, Soy has dedicated countless hours to strengthening bonds between the base and the surrounding area—often identifying needs that others overlook and turning them into lasting initiatives that serve hundreds of families.
Soy was recognized as the 2025 MCA Community Change Maker of the Year – East Region.
Hey, Scuttlebutt listeners. Thank you for joining us and for your continued support. This week, we’re super excited to be welcoming retired MajGen James Lukeman to the scuttlebutt. MajGen Lukeman is President and CEO of the Marine Corps Heritage Foundation. To go through his entire career would require a multi-episode documentary series, but needless to say, it is a huge honor to have MajGen Lukeman on the show. In this episode, we talk about his upbringing as a Marine son and how, as a chemical engineer, he chose to follow in his father’s footsteps to the yellow footprints. We also discuss how the Heritage Foundation supports the National Museum of the Marine Corps and the importance of maintaining pride in the Marine Corps’ role in American history. Not only among the ranks, but also to raise the awareness of the public. From sponsoring Major League Baseball Spring Training to the Heritage Foundation Annual Awards Dinner, which will take place this Saturday, April 25th, at the National Museum of the Marine Corps. His authentic passion and love for the Marine Corps are infectious, and we hope you all enjoy this conversation as much as we did.
MCAS Beaufort, SC / Geo-baching in Jacksonville, NC
Meet Nichole Lovejoy, a Marine Corps spouse stationed at Marine Corps Air Station New River who turns connection into community every single day. As the Chief Advancement Officer at the New River YMCA, she leverages her marketing and nonprofit leadership expertise to strengthen partnerships, support military families, and build meaningful connections across Jacksonville and beyond. Nichole also serves on local boards, advises command teams, and volunteers with mission-driven organizations because she believes home is where you find your people. We’re proud to highlight her heart for service, leadership in the community, and contagious passion for helping others thrive.
Do you have a Spouse you want to submit for a Spouse Spotlight?
Email Heather at [email protected] with the name and contact information of your spouse spotlight!
HEADQUARTERS, MARINE CORPS – Fresh off the celebration of the Marine Corps’ own 250th anniversary last year, the service is now turning its attention to the future of expeditionary warfare as the United States prepares to mark its semi-quincentennial.
U.S. Marines will gather April 28 to April 30 at the Walter E. Washington Convention Center to present the latest in operating concepts, modernization efforts, and technological innovations during the Marine Corps’ annual military exposition.
Modern Day Marine is the premier Marine Corps exposition and symposium. Serving as a crucial bridge between the battlefield and the defense industrial base, this year’s event offers an unparalleled look into the strategic investments, emerging platforms, and cutting-edge innovations ensuring Marines remain the world’s most lethal force-in-readiness.
Attendees will have the opportunity to hear keynote speeches and main briefing stage panels from dignitaries including the Secretary of the Navy, the Honorable John Phelan; Commandant of the Marine Corps, Gen. Eric M. Smith; Chief of Naval Operations, Adm. Daryl Caudle, and numerous other senior military leaders and government officials.
“This year’s theme, ‘From American Shores: 250 Years of Fighting Forward,’ reflects the essence of who we are – our Nation’s premier expeditionary force-in-readiness. Sustaining that role requires modernization with purpose – making disciplined choices to balance near-term readiness while investing in the advanced technologies required for future conflict,” said Commandant of the Marine Corps, Gen. Eric M. Smith. “Modern Day Marine is a force multiplier for that modernization – bringing Marines together with industry leaders and congressional partners to focus on what matters most: warfighting. The collaboration that occurs here will translate directly into capabilities in the hands of our warfighters.”
The event provides a collaborative forum, fostering interaction with Marines, experts, and industry professionals to explore and advance the most effective solutions for accelerating innovation. Journalists, industry representatives, and members of the public will hear briefs on the Marine Corps’ latest platforms and weapons systems, investments in capability development, and learn more about the latest solutions that will enhance Marines’ lethality.
Service acquisition professionals will provide updates on major portfolios and initiatives to representatives from across the U.S. defense industrial base. The exhibition will host more than 400 industry displays, filling 84,000 square feet of floor space with interactive displays, hands-on product demonstrations, equipment, and more. Exhibits, demonstrations, and seminars will cover a wide variety of topics relevant to military personnel, their families, and national security stakeholders including:
Next-generation weapons systems and platforms
Crisis response and efforts to deter conflict
Acquisition reforms and streamlined development through the newly established Program Acquisition Executive – Marine Corps
Naval platforms and expeditionary capabilities
Efforts to bolster the maritime industrial base
Unmanned systems and autonomous technologies
Counter-unmanned aerial systems and air defense capabilities
Training and simulation technologies for realistic and immersive training experiences
Logistics and sustainment solutions to support expeditionary operations in contested environments
Objective One Wargaming Competition
Military spouse summit, and hiring and education fair
Additionally, the event will showcase future concepts and capabilities in professional military education, featuring senior leader and subject matter expert talks across four stages. PME highlights include a wargaming convention and highly specialized panel presentations addressing future operational challenges, trend lines, and potential solutions. Featured PME sessions will span topics from Intelligence and Cyber Operations to Tactical Communications and Marine Air/Ground Task Force Command and Control.
“Modern Day Marine stands at the intersection of heritage and transformation, where the Marine Corps’ warfighting vision meets the ingenuity of the defense industrial base,” said Lt. Gen. (Ret.) Charles Chiarotti, President and CEO of the Marine Corps Association. “In this milestone year for our Nation celebrating 250 years of fighting forward, the expo highlights the ideas, partnerships, and technologies that will define the next generation of expeditionary warfare.”
Programming at this year’s Modern Day Marine will showcase the Marine Corps’ enduring legacy as our nation’s expeditionary force-in-readiness, and how today’s Marine Corps continues adapting to answer the nation’s call as the first to fight, wherever freedom is challenged.
“From our inception 250 years ago, Marines have continued to fight and win every battle we have found ourselves in, no matter the odds,” said T.J. Morgan, National Commandant of the Marine Corps League. “As we celebrate our nation’s 250th birthday this year, Modern Day Marine allows us to reflect on past victories. By combining advanced technology with the unmatched problem-solving skills of today’s Marines, we look toward the future and remain the world’s fiercest fighting force.”
Hey, Scuttlebutt listeners. Thank you for joining us and for your continued support. This week, we’re talking Modern Day Marine 2026, so we brought the MCA’s Director of National Military Association Engagement and Expositions, Marta Sullivan, and the Director of Strategy, Plans & Assessment at Headquarters Marine Corps Comms Directorate, LtCol Nick Mannweiler, to the scuttlebutt to talk to us about what’s in store for the premier military exposition. From the key leadership engagements and TedTalk-style presentations to the Commandant’s Cup wargaming tourney at Objective 1, there’s something for everyone. And of course, there’sall the cool stuff. Vendors, large and small, will be presenting their innovations to support Force Design and the Marine Corps’ modernization efforts. If that weren’tenough to get you hyped, we’ll be there recording live from the showroom floor. Come check us out and say hi!
Hey, Scuttlebutt listeners. Thank you for joining us and your continued support. This week, we welcome August Cole back to the scuttlebutt. August joined us last year at Modern Day Marine in Episode 193 and was kind enough to come on again. Please go back and check that out. For those who missed it, August is the co-author of the books Ghost Fleetand Burn-In, managing partner of Useful Fiction, and a nonresident senior fellow in the Forward Defense practice of the Atlantic Council’s Scowcroft Center for Strategy and Security. He was also a journalist for the Wall Street Journal and he talks to us about being a journalist and how his experience informs his fiction writing. We also dive into narrative and the power of storytelling, and how telling stories about what could be helps tell the story of what is. Also, with this being the ten-year anniversary of Ghost Fleet, he shares some insights into how “right” his books are.
Meet Tanya, a Marine Corps spouse whose leadership and steady presence helped shape a stronger, more connected community during her time as the spouse of the 3/1 Battalion Commander. With a clear commitment to people and belonging, Tanya consistently worked to ensure spouses felt welcomed, supported, and included, with special care for those who were new to military life and still finding their footing.
Tanya was known for connecting families to the resources and opportunities they needed, always looking for practical ways to uplift and empower the spouses around her. Just as importantly, she encouraged others to recognize their own value and the meaningful role they could play in the community, helping spouses build confidence and step into connection.
Her leadership is defined by kindness, humility, and a genuine desire to serve. Tanya has a natural ability to build relationships and strengthen community in a way that lasts well beyond a single season or duty station. She is a spouse who shows up, brings people together, and makes the Marine Corps community stronger because she is in it.
Do you have a Spouse you want to submit for a Spouse Spotlight?
Email Heather at [email protected] with the name and contact information of your spouse spotlight!
April is Month of the Military Child, which feels like a good time to chat about something that often comes up in conversation:
Are we messing up our kids by moving them so much?
Fair question.
Marine Corps families move a lot. We say every three years, but in reality, it often feels more like every two. And then there are seasons where you move every year for three or four years in a row. Our family moved 15 times in 25 years.
It’s often.
New schools. New houses. New routines. New friends. So many goodbyes.
I’m no expert. Let me say that again: I am not an expert.
But I raised four kids in this life, and now all four of them are “adults.” (I use that term loosely because I’m still not convinced an 18 year old is an adult.)
Here’s my take: I do not think this life ruins our kids. I think it shapes them.
Did it make them a little different from the average kid who grew up in one house, in one town, with the same classmates their whole life? Of course. How could it not?
When my oldest son turned 18, he told me he wanted to “settle down for a bit.” I remember thinking that sounded unusual for an 18-year-old boy. I thought they were all supposed to want freedom, chaos, and a questionable amount of bad decision-making. Sheesh.
The truth is, he had already lived a life with a lot of movement, change, and adventure.
As I watched him “settle down, ” I realized that our kids are not just shaped by how often they move. They are also shaped by the kind of life they are moving through.
They learn how to walk into new places and figure it out. They learn how to meet people, start over, and rebuild. They learn early that different is not always bad. Sometimes different is just what’s next. They learn that change is hard, but survivable.
Here’s my other take: It’s a privilege to grow up in a culture of service.
They are watching a parent choose to serve their country. They are growing up in neighborhoods full of service members and spouses who are constantly stepping up, sacrificing, volunteering, and pouring back into their communities. It’s normal to them. They’resurrounded by people who understand that being part of a community means showing up for it and that sacrifice often comes with service.
And I think that matters.
Even if they don’t fully understand it when they’re young, they are absorbing it. They’re learning what commitment looks like. What sacrifice looks like. What it means to be part of something bigger than yourself.
So many of our kids go on to serve in some way themselves. And even if they don’t, they will always understand service and sacrifice differently than much of the civilian population. They have lived close enough to it to see what it costs and why it matters.
Are there hard parts to this life? Absolutely.
I know not every family experiences this life the same way. Every child is different, every family has its own dynamics, and sometimes the right decision looks different than it does for someone else. Most of us are just doing our best to love our kids well and make the best choices we can with the circumstances in front of us.
It’s not always easy to explain to your kids why they have to leave again. It’s never easy to watch them say goodbye, start over, or miss what was familiar. I am not trying to pretend that part is nothing.
But I also think these kids are living exceptional lives.
Not easy ones. Not always predictable ones. Not especially conventional ones. But exceptional all the same.
This life asks so much of them, but it also gives them so much in return. A wider view of the world. More comfort with difference. More practice meeting new people. More experience rebuilding when life changes. And a front-row seat to service, sacrifice, and community.
I think it asks so much of them. I think it shapes them in real ways. And I think many of them are becoming exceptional because of it.
Krista Ickles is the Program Coordinator for the Marine Corps Association’s Behind the Camouflage program, where she is dedicated to supporting and empowering Marine Corps spouses by fostering community connections and providing resources to enhance their personal and professional growth. In this role, she works to ensure that Marine Corps spouses have access to opportunities that strengthen their sense of belonging and engagement within the military community.
Throughout her journey, she has focused on advocacy, operations management, and military family support. Prior to her current role, she served as Operations Manager for AtEase, an online platform providing government-approved lodging for military families during PCS moves. Before that, she was theHeadquarters Lead Advocate for the USMC PCS Advocacy Council, where she worked to improve relocation experiences for Marine families by engaging with senior leadership and driving policy discussions.
In addition to her professional experience, Krista is a mother of four and has been a proud Marine Corps spouse for over 25 years. Her deep connection to the military community fuels her passion for advocating for military families, enhancing spouse networks, and building strong support systems.
Welcome to Ask Dr. Monica, a space where real questions from military spouses get honest answers from a licensed therapist who understands the realities of military life.
Dear Dr. Monica,
I’m a Marine Corps spouse, and lately I’ve been struggling with a feeling I don’t like to admit out loud…resentment.
I’m proud of my spouse’s service. I believe in what they do, and I’ve willingly stepped into this life. But over time, the constant moves, the career sacrifices, the solo parenting during long stretches, and the expectation to “just handle it” have started to wear on me. What makes it harder is that from the outside, it feels like I’m supposed to be grateful and resilient all the time. And I am…until I’m not.
I find myself resenting the Marine Corps for what it’s taken from our family, and sometimes even resenting my spouse, which brings on a lot of guilt. I don’t want to feel this way, and I don’t want it to impact my marriage or how I show up for my family.
Is this normal? And how do I work through resentment without feeling like I’m failing at this life we chose?
Sincerely, Trying to Stay Supportive but Feeling Worn Down
Dear Trying to Stay Supportive,
First, thank you for saying out loud what so many Marine Corps spouses whisper only to themselves in the car, at 11pm, or after everyone else is asleep. Resentment. It’s one of the most human emotions we have, and one of the least welcome at a military spouse coffee group.
So let me say this clearly: What you’re feeling is not a character flaw. It’s a signal.
Resentment is almost always the emotional residue of repeated unmet needs — the cumulative weight of giving more than you’ve received, adjusting more than you’ve been accommodated, and smiling through more than anyone should have to. PCS orders don’t ask if it’s a good time. Deployments don’t check in on your career trajectory. And the culture of just handle it doesn’t leave much room for “actually, I’m struggling.”
And the resentment toward your spouse? I hear you. It makes sense that the person closest to the mission becomes the face of what the mission costs you. The guilt that follows tells me you love them. Guilt is what happens when our feelings bump up against our values. The resentment isn’t evidence that you’ve failed, it’s evidence that something needs attention.
Here’s what I want you to do with it:
Name it without shame. Resentment that gets buried leaks out sideways as irritability, withdrawal, or a slow erosion of intimacy. Naming it moves it through rather than storing it.
Get curious about the unmet need underneath it. This one takes some quiet and some honesty. Is it grief over a career set aside? Loneliness from constantly rebuilding your community? The exhaustion of carrying more than your share? When you identify the actual wound, you can start asking for what you actually need.
Talk to your spouse, not to assign blame, but to reconnect. Many military couples are shocked to discover they’ve been grieving the same losses in separate silos. Opening that door, even imperfectly, is an act of intimacy.
And consider talking to someone. As a therapist and a military spouse, I can tell you there is nothing weak about getting support. Look for a counselor who understands military culture. It makes a real difference.
Resilience is not the absence of hard feelings. It’s what happens after you let yourself feel them. You don’t have to choose between being proud of your spouse’s service and being honest about what it costs you. Both things can be true. You’re not failing at this life. You’re being honest about it and that kind of honesty is an act of love toward yourself, your spouse, and the life you’re still building together.
With you in it,
Dr. Monica
Dr. Monica Reintjes is a Licensed Professional Counselor, PhD in Educational Psychology with an emphasis in Development and Learning, and military spouse. She is the Clinical Director of Reintjes Counseling & Consulting, specializing in trauma and military family mental health.
When not working, she enjoys traveling, exploring coffee shops, making cheese boards, cooking, and spending time with family and friends.
Disclaimer:
The content provided in Ask Dr. Monica is for general informational purposes and reflects the professional opinion of the author. It should not be considered a substitute for medical, psychological, or mental health care from a licensed provider.
The Marine Corps Association and Behind the Camouflage do not provide clinical services through this column. If you need professional support, please contact a licensed provider or Military OneSource at 800-342-9647.
