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Anchored in Chaos: Finding Consistency and Embracing A Life Full of Change

Life in the military is an adventure. That’s putting it lightly. From PCS moves to surprise deployments, life in this community is often defined by one word: Change. The unpredictability of military life can be overwhelming, often causing many spouses and families to lose their sense of self as they battle the constant chaos that the military brings. 

While the challenges often feel insurmountable with the constant ebb and flow of routine wreaking havoc on our daily emotions, I’ve found that finding consistency in the small things can be the key to feeling stable in an unstable world. 

Build Small, Everyday Routines

One day your spouse is here, the next they’re gone for a week—back for a few days, then gone again for months. This transient lifestyle makes it hard to build a foundation at home that remains consistent. It feels like the ground is constantly shifting beneath your feet.

But even in this ever-changing environment, small, everyday routines can provide a sense of normalcy. These routines don’t have to be elaborate; they just need to be meaningful to you and your family. Whether it’s a solo morning of coffee and reading before the kids get up, a nightly bedtime story for the kids, or taking a walk at lunchtime, these moments of consistency offer stability and predictability often missing in military life.

Focus on What You Can Control

Military life is filled with things we can’t control – orders (or when we receive them), training schedules and work hours, or how our children adjust to new duty stations. Instead of focusing on the uncontrollable aspects, it helps to focus on the aspects we can control.

Those small daily routines? Yep, we control those. The food you eat, your daily fitness, the space you create at home—these are all areas of your life you can take charge of, even when everything else feels uncertain. While you can’t dictate when or where your orders may take you, you can dictate when and how you implement these routines. 

Find your Support System

We’ve all heard the quote, “It takes a village.” I feel confident that this applies not only to raising kids but also to surviving the constant change military families experience. The unpredictability of military life can feel isolating, especially when you’re in a new duty station or facing a deployment. But having a strong support system in place can be the difference between feeling overwhelmed and thriving through the chaos.

Your village is a vital source of emotional support, advice, and even a little humor when you need it most. No one understands this lifestyle better than those who are also going through it. That’s why leaning on others who “get it” can help you feel connected and supported. 

Make an effort to build and nurture these relationships. Join local spouse clubs, attend those unit events, stop and chat with that new neighbor when you’re walking your dog. Take the first step and make those connections. And when you leave, stay in touch. Those connections don’t have to end just because you’re not geographically located together. Schedule a weekly facetime date, send that meme! Your village doesn’t have to be next door to be a lifeline. 

Stay True to Your Values

When life feels out of control, it helps to reconnect with your core values. Whether it’s family, faith, or personal growth, staying true to what matters most can guide your decisions and keep you grounded during times of uncertainty.

Take a step back and reflect on the things that bring you joy and purpose. Is it spending time with your children? Pursuing your career? Volunteering or giving back to your community? Make time for these priorities, even when the schedule feels packed or chaotic. It’s about aligning your daily actions with what resonates with you, not just surviving the day-to-day.

When you stay anchored in your values, you create a sense of consistency that no deployment or duty station can take away. Your foundation becomes something deep within you, offering a steady point of reference no matter where life leads you next.

Embrace the Impermanence

This may be the hardest one.

In a life defined by constant change, the idea of embracing impermanence can feel daunting. The unpredictable nature of military life means that things are always shifting, and with each move, deployment, or transition, there’s often a sense of loss—whether it’s leaving behind a home, saying goodbye to close friends, or adjusting to a new routine. It’s easy to feel like you’re constantly trying to regain your footing.

But what if instead of resisting it, you accepted impermanence as a part of your journey? Every new chapter brings growth, even if it doesn’t always feel that way in the moment. The fleeting nature of military life can teach us resilience and flexibility, skills that become second nature over time. It’s in these transitions that we build our strength and adaptability.

When you start to embrace impermanence, the unknown becomes less scary and more like a space for new opportunities, growth, and connection. And while it’s not always easy, accepting change for what it is can help you find peace and even excitement in what lies ahead.

Anchor in the Chaos

The beauty of military life is that it teaches us resilience, adaptability, and strength. While change is inevitable, finding consistency in the little things—the routines, the people, and the values that matter most—can help you stay grounded no matter what.

Remember, you don’t have to navigate the chaos alone. Lean into your village, focus on what you can control, and remind yourself that you’re capable of weathering any storm. With the right anchors in place, you’ll always find your way back to calm waters.


About the Author:

Kayla Walker is a proud Marine Corps spouse with deep roots in the military community. Growing up in Stafford, VA, just outside the back gate of Quantico, she has spent much of her life surrounded by military families and has witnessed firsthand the unique strength and resilience of Marine Corps spouses. In her spare time, Kayla enjoys reading, spending quality time with her family, and playing kickball in the local spouses league