Ask Dr. Monica – “TikTok Viral Videos: Are Reintegrations as Romantic as They Seem?”
Posted on: March 12,2026Welcome to Ask Dr. Monica, a space where real questions from military spouses get honest answers from a licensed therapist who understands the realities of military life.
Dear Dr. Monica,
This is my first deployment as a military spouse, and I didn’t expect it to feel this hard. I find myself watching all the viral homecoming videos. The ones with the dogs running across hangars, the kids bursting into tears, the slow-motion airport embraces. They make me cry every time.
But I also feel nervous. Is reintegration really as romantic and seamless as it looks online? Or are there parts no one talks about?
-First-time Military Spouse, Denver, CO.
Dear First-time Military Spouse,
Military deployments—cue the dread.
I’m a straight-shooter therapist with an empathic heart, so I’m not going to sugarcoat this. Homecoming sits front and center in the lives of military families—and yet, it’s one of the least honestly talked about experiences.
The emotions surrounding military homecoming are layered, messy, and deeply complicated.
Solo parenting is mentally taxing, physically exhausting, and emotionally heavy. And military deployments aren’t a weekend alone with the kids. They’re months—sometimes years—of doing everything without your partner. You don’t get a manual. You don’t have time to read books about “how to survive deployment.” You’re just surviving. One day at a time. Because there’s no other option.
During deployment, most of us don’t even have the luxury of sitting with our worry for our partners overseas. We’re too busy holding everything together at home. Kids. Pets. Work. Illnesses. Appointments. Crises. Logistics. Life. You rise to the occasion because you have to.
What surprises many military spouses—myself included—is the mental agility that develops during deployment. You become adaptable, decisive, resilient. And alongside that, a fierce solo-parenting strength is cultivated. You learn how to run the household, care for your children, manage your career, and put out fires without backup.
But that same strength?
That’s often what creates tension when our service members come home.
Here at home, we have been making every decision. We’ve built the routines. We’ve watched our kids grow. We’ve navigated meltdowns, discipline, doctor visits, school drop-offs, sleepless nights, and sick days. In many ways, we’ve become the heart—and the engine—of the home.
To survive deployment, many of us slip into a “boss babe” mode. Sometimes that means emotionally pulling away from our partner. Other times, it means leaning on them heavily for emotional support while they’re gone, trying to stay connected across the distance.
Either way, a mix of emotions brews while they’re away: resentment, worry, anger, loneliness, overwhelm, emptiness—and then guilt for feeling any of it while our partners are serving, sacrificing, and providing.
And then—if we’re lucky—they come home.
But they don’t always come home in one piece. Maybe not physically. Maybe not mentally. Maybe not emotionally. A lot happened while they were gone—and many service members aren’t exactly the “let’s talk about our feelings” type. They may look “okay,” but refuse treatment, avoid conversations, or shut down altogether.
That’s where we often step in—again. The yin to their yang. The emotional translator. The steady one.
And here’s the part no one prepares us for:
The joy of homecoming can exist right alongside grief, exhaustion, and the desperate need to tap out.
We’re thrilled our family is whole again. And at the same time? We are depleted.
Reintegration isn’t seamless. Bedtime routines don’t magically work again. Children—especially ages 0–2—may cry, resist, or feel disconnected from the returning parent. Anxiety runs high. Stress creeps in. The house feels full… yet unfamiliar.
For many families, this season isn’t smooth sailing—it’s rocky, tender, and quietly heartbreaking.
Because while the family is together again, the connection hasn’t caught up yet. And rebuilding it takes time.
As if we weren’t wearing enough hats already, we add another one: teacher.
Now we’re expected to catch our partners up on everything they missed—discipline, routines, emotional repair, meltdowns, meals, diapers—without making them feel criticized, belittled, or incompetent.
Good luck.
It’s a tall order.
So if you found yourself here—late at night, googling for answers—I don’t pretend to have all of them. But I do know this life. I understand the invisible load, the contradictions, the quiet resentment, and the deep love that coexist in military families.
You’re in the right place.
And if I’m not the right fit for you, I’ll help you find someone who is.
Because everyone deserves support—even those of us holding everything together behind the scenes.
Take good care,
Dr. Monica
Dr. Monica Reintjes, PhD, LPC, a licensed professional counselor in Virginia who is also a bilingual, Spanish-speaking Latina and military spouse.
When not working, she enjoys traveling, exploring coffee shops, making cheese boards, cooking, and spending time with family and friends.
Disclaimer:
The content provided in Ask Dr. Monica is for general informational purposes and reflects the professional opinion of the author. It should not be considered a substitute for medical, psychological, or mental health care from a licensed provider.
The Marine Corps Association and Behind the Camouflage do not provide clinical services through this column. If you need professional support, please contact a licensed provider or Military OneSource at 800-342-9647.
